I try to say hello to everyone I see on my way to work each morning, especially the security guards at my office building.
But for the longest time I’ve been unable to get a response from this one security guard who stands post at the back alley delivery truck entrance. He usually stands in between two yellow painted concrete poles, with each arm propped on top of a pole (about shoulder height). Most of the time, he is standing there leaning on the grey concrete building wall behind him.
I’ve seen him being friendly with other people, calling them buddy and joking around and then he’ll turn back to his spot and erase all signs of a smile from his face as I pass.
I’ve heard that the worst thing for a narcissist is to be ignored. In this case, I must be a narcissist because it was starting to worry me. Yet still I smiled and said hello when I passed.
Well, this morning I was walking in to the office when I saw him stopping some people so a truck could back out. By the time I got there, the truck was out but he looked like he was about to direct another truck out. He was facing the alley with one arm out poised as if about to wave a driver to move.
“Am I clear to cross?” I asked.
No answer.
So I stopped on the other side of the alley, waiting for the truck to pull out.
Then he saw me.
“Oh it’s all clear to cross now,” he said and smiled. “Did you try to ask me just a second ago? I’m sorry, if I didn’t hear you. I’m kinda hard of hearing,” he explained.
“Oh, that’s OK.” I said. “Have a good morning.”
He nodded.
I smiled and continued walking my way to the office. But inside I was a little embarrassed to realize the real reason he never responded. He never heard me.
Again, I was reminded that most things people do have absolutely nothing to do with anyone else (i.e. me). Each of us go along with our own little agenda in this great big world and sometimes we interpret the behavior of others based on our own life story instead of waiting to find out the real deal.
I must remember to stop making assumptions about people and why they behave the way they do. It’s a real weakness of mine that I would love to conquer.
October 23, 2008 at 6:44 am
There have been so many times that I built up a situation in my head and then feel like a dunce. I’ve wanted to apologize to that person, but with the irrational conversation only happening in my head, I realize I have no one to apologize to. Thanks for the post.
October 23, 2008 at 1:07 pm
“I must remember to stop making assumptions about people and why they behave the way they do. It’s a real weakness of mine that I would love to conquer.”
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This happened to me with a co-worker. I thought she had something against me by not speaking, or when she did, it was just flat and cold. I have come to find out this is just the way she is.
I was waiting for an elevator this morning, and out of the blue, guess what? She walks by and asks me how my day is going and to have a nice weekend, very bubbly. I just stood there dumbfounded. BTW, I missed my elevator, lol.
Thanks for this post as well.
October 23, 2008 at 2:33 pm
I know exactly where you’re coming from: I often find myself thinking, “Are they laughing at/talking about me?” I just try to keep my chin up and hope my cat didn’t yack a hairball all over the back of my jeans that I didn’t notice until too late.
October 23, 2008 at 4:10 pm
I’m so glad I’m not the only person who thinks this…
In high school I had a name for days like that: People in the halls are laughing at me days.
It’s no fun atall. But the longer I’m on this earth, the more I think it’s just in my head (and in yours too!)
http://plightofthepumpernickel.blogspot.com
October 23, 2008 at 4:29 pm
Esther you are a breath of good life in the blogging world.
Thanks!
October 23, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Wow Jannie. I think that’s the best complement I’ve heard in a long time. Thank you very much.
October 26, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Well put. It’s so easy to think everything is about us and it’s so rarely true.
I have the 4 Agreements posted in my office:
Be impeccable with your word.
Don’t take anything personally.
Don’t make assumptions.
Always do your best.
But even with them posted, it’s still challenging to live by.
October 27, 2008 at 9:17 am
I’m really near-sighted w/ astigmatism so I always worry that I’m ignoring someone I know because I can’t tell who it is. I bet this gentleman has the same kind of worries. I do love, though, that you never gave up on him!