A busy month

I’m not sure how I let a month go by without posting something on my blog, well actually I do know why. I’ve been busier than ever.

And yet in the middle of the chaos that is my life, I had something wonderful happen. I met a guy at a place and time when I wasn’t looking, at the Renaissance Festival in Maryland, of all places.  And over the last several weeks, through dates and long phone conversations and a hell of a lot of texts, I’ve grown to really like him and Ernie and I are now in an exclusive relationship.

But first: the chaos and unnecessary drama

In the last month I’ve traveled to Colorado, California and Georgia (for pleasure, pleasure and family, and work). Also, every weekend (except one) since September 12, I’ve had a festival or event to participate in on behalf of a non-profit organization called BeadforLife. And in the middle of this, someone (actually several people) I thought I knew and understood, tossed a monkey wrench into my life that squeezed out nearly all of my remaining energy and free time.

Yet through it all, having my boyfriend in my life has made these last few weeks bearable and highlighted by moments of wonderful twitterpated happiness instead of being depressed and frazzled.

I once heard a “wise sage” say (OK, it was said by a boy I had a crush on in college, lol) that he just wanted to find someone who wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. I know it’s early in the relationship now, but I think I’ve found someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him.  For the first time in a long time I’m calm about a relationship and just thrilled to be getting to know someone so wonderful and for whom I get a big cheesy grin on my face whenever I think about him. Yay.

 

Rest in Peace Joyce Mullins

Months ago I wrote a blog about death, and how one of the unsaid things about friendship is that you’ll be there for the person in life and death…you’ll attend their funeral.

My friend Joyce responded to that saying she understood and thanking me for our blooming friendship.

I have been told that Joyce died today.

I have asked her son to let me know details about her funeral service. And if I can obtain the day off, I will go.

Joyce and I met only a few times. We had a link in that we both worked for the dover post newspapers in Delaware, except I was her replacement at the newsdesk after she had a bad car accident, if I recall correctly. Joyce and I shared a love of many things and she regularly commented on my blogs. It was always well thought out and meaningful.

It’s weird how close two people can become without face to face interaction, but instead through writing and comments on blogs.

I will miss Joyce quite a lot.

Yet I cannot be entirely sad because I believe in an afterlife and that joyce will be able to again do the things she loved but that her body prevented lately. I have hope that she and I will be able to see each other again and go for big adventures together and long walks along the ocean or in the woods together.

Goodbye Joyce. I’m sorry your gone, and I’ll pray for those you’ve left behind.

Goodbye my friend. Goodbye.

 

all a jumble

I don’t know which way is up right now.

My mind is all a jumble of emotions and I’m having trouble sorting through how I feel about one issue and how those feeling should not leak into how I feel and react to another issue.

I can be melodramatic, I know. But right now I’m tired of crying for the potential loss of my choir, the Master Chorale of Washington. I’m tired of drama among those I love and mad that I allowed myself to be sucked in and, as a consequence, to question things about myself and people I thought I knew.

There is an unintended consequence of getting close to a tight-knit group of people. If a rift occurs among them and you are not a part of the cause, you are left to decide which side you are on. I never thought I’d have to decide and I hope it will never come to that. If called on, loyalty comes with a high price tag.

But right now my heart and head hurt because I’m being forced to acknowledge things about myself that I don’t like to see, that I didn’t think existed and that I thought I’d eradicated from my life. On top of that I’m having to come to terms with the life-changing event of loosing my choir.

So I decided yesterday that when the choir season ends in May I’m going to take a week off and disappear in the woods or some place where I can be alone and silent, cut off from all distractions including adult beverages, music, books (other than some spiritual scriptures), cell phones, email and human interactions. I need to do it so I can re-evaluate things with a clear mind and perhaps reboot my system.

 

Inauguration dilemma

To stand with friends or be among the people

Yesterday I  had the bittersweet dilemma of having to choose between hanging out with several of my friends during the inauguration or volunteering on the mall.

One of my West-coast girlfriends recently obtained some tickets for the inauguration and she was going to share one of them with me.  I was so elated that she would share such a gift with me that I started randomly skipping around the room saying “yay” and giggling like a fourth-grade girl for longer than I’d like to admit.

Yet before she learned she had tickets I signed up to volunteer for the inauguration festivities.

I have prior experience as a tour guide around the city and I’m also a volunteer usher/coat check/VIP room receptionist for the Shakespeare Theatre Company, so I figured I could use my experience for the good of the city. Plus I really love interacting with people and helping them find their way around the city. I thrive on it.

Anyway, I received a call yesterday from the guy coordinating one of the teams of volunteers who said I would be working where the ticketed area ends on 4th Street and the public access part of the mall begins. I was extatic until I realized that it also meant I had give up the option of standing next to my friends and sharing hugs with them during the ceremony. Yet I couldn’t give up a lifetime opportunity to be a part of helping the day run smoothly.

Although I felt a little sad that I had to tell my friend (and on such late notice) that I wouldn’t be using that ticket, I was relieved that she graciously accepted my apologies and understood why I wanted to take the volunteer position. I truly  hope she can find someone to use the ticket or else I’ll feel like a bit of a heel.

A house of guests

I am also thrilled to have several of my relatives staying at my place for the inauguration.

Among them are my uncle, and my cousin and his wife, who I have not seen for years, and my cousin’s friend/business partner.  Yay. My relatives are such wonderful people that I know it will be nothing but a pure joy to have them nearby.

Yet I’m a nester, a mother hen.  In that I wish I could have all of my friends who are going to the mall together in one place the night before the inauguration.

But I had to admit yesterday that it was not going to happen and it made me a little sad.  Last night I felt a little like a wounded kitten licking her paws in the corner. I so want to be able to share in the joy of Obama’s inauguration with my friends.  But here is one time that I have to admit, no I cant. 

Sigh.

Ah well, at least I’ll have my phone charged for texting.

 

Fool

I’ve been acting the part of a fool lately.

The problem is that I like human interaction too much.

In fact, I’m pretty sure I get a high from making new friends. Where it gets into dangerous territory is that sometimes I don’t want to lose that feeling.

Sometimes I get the idea of getting to know someone so entrenched in my head that I forget to take it easy and let things progress organically. It’s part of my personality, you see, I am a pursuer of things. It’s my profession.

If, say, I want to get something done, I find every way possible to make it happen. I’m trained to be a hunter (of news) and unfortunately sometimes that leaks into my personal life.

But I had time to think about it this weekend in between choir concerts and spending quality time with my family. And I penciled it all down in tiny two-columned scribble on the back of a photocopied sheet of music.

Unfortunately, I can usually only interpret my scribble up to 48 hours after putting it to paper. So my deep thoughts have been lost to time.

But from what I can recall of my musings, I realized that I keep hunting shadows without letting myself get to know the person(s) making the shadow. Does that make sense to anyone but me?

Therefore my new goal for the new year — and by that I mean starting yesterday — is to take it easy.

If, say, I’ve made a few efforts to hang out with someone who I would like to befriend and it doesn’t work out, I figure it’s up to them to make the next move.

Am I completely off with this idea?