I’m generally not one to go and read books about the women’s liberation movements but Gail Collins’ “When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present” has become a book that I’ve reveled in reading.

I have no trouble getting back into the book on my short metro rail commute to and from work each day because the book is broken into many short sections.

Also, the book is stuffed full of short anecdotes that help me understand what it felt like to be a woman in the 1960s (because I haven’t read past the 1960s part yet) must have felt. I had no idea how much society underestimated our abilities and did everything they could to squash any independent and intelligent thinking. note: I say this with no malice.

I am also thankful the book seems to take as much of an unbiased approach as possible. That’s because I’m usually immediately turned off by books and articles that become angry or make irrational claims.

Anyway, if you don’t know much about how things have changed in the last 40+ years for women, this is a great and easy book to start with.

I’m not sure how I let a month go by without posting something on my blog, well actually I do know why. I’ve been busier than ever.

And yet in the middle of the chaos that is my life, I had something wonderful happen. I met a guy at a place and time when I wasn’t looking, at the Renaissance Festival in Maryland, of all places.  And over the last several weeks, through dates and long phone conversations and a hell of a lot of texts, I’ve grown to really like him and Ernie and I are now in an exclusive relationship.

But first: the chaos and unnecessary drama

In the last month I’ve traveled to Colorado, California and Georgia (for pleasure, pleasure and family, and work). Also, every weekend (except one) since September 12, I’ve had a festival or event to participate in on behalf of a non-profit organization called BeadforLife. And in the middle of this, someone (actually several people) I thought I knew and understood, tossed a monkey wrench into my life that squeezed out nearly all of my remaining energy and free time.

Yet through it all, having my boyfriend in my life has made these last few weeks bearable and highlighted by moments of wonderful twitterpated happiness instead of being depressed and frazzled.

I once heard a “wise sage” say (OK, it was said by a boy I had a crush on in college, lol) that he just wanted to find someone who wanted to be with him as much as he wanted to be with her. I know it’s early in the relationship now, but I think I’ve found someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with him.  For the first time in a long time I’m calm about a relationship and just thrilled to be getting to know someone so wonderful and for whom I get a big cheesy grin on my face whenever I think about him. Yay.

A lot has changed in me since I returned from the monastery.  Yet in some ways I’ve fallen back into old patterns only to realize this and struggle to figure out how to break free. The true test of my ability to find time for solitude will come in the next two months.

For as much as I was determined to keep from adding logs to the fire and leave more space for solitude and spiritual reflection/worship, it seems I had a lot of commitments for the month of September and October lined up before I went to Mepkin Abbey and other duties seem to have piled on since then. Most of my obligations are ones I gladly take on, I should note, and are for humanitarian causes that I am especially dedicated to working toward.

Yet today, looking forward at my calendar and at my to-do list, I find myself with a growing urge to gasp for air. My body feels wound up inside, my neck hurts again and my thoughts are in a jumble.

From the weekend of September 12 until October 18 I have one free weekend. And by free I mean I haven’t yet decided among three possible options:  1. visit my Grandma, uncle and friend in Northern California. 2. spend it locked up in my house with my dog and out in nature with my phone turned off.  3. wait until that weekend to decide what I need to do, because there’s bound to be some urgent thing.

If I am not careful, I will become so frenzied by my busy schedule that I will again accidentally block out my worship/spiritual growth time and solitude time, which can be one and the same.  If any of you pray and feel the urge to do so tonight,  I would welcome a sentence thrown in for my minor concern and a request that God will strengthen me.

Tonight I think I’m going to go home, take the dog for a long walk and pull out my bible and some other books and read in silence (no music, no computer, no movies). Maybe I’ll take a long bath.

I can feel my body thirsting for solitude and quiet it as if I’ve run a marathon and I see the bottle of water held out by a volunteer just a few feet ahead. Only in my case the bottle of water is time at home, and the few feet ahead is a metro and bus ride.  I just pray that my apartment is not full of noise from people that live nearby tonight.