“You see, it has never been very easy for me to live, though I am always very happy–maybe because I want so much to be happy. I like so much to live and I hate the idea of dying one day. And then I am awfully greedy. I want everything from life. I want to be a woman and to be a man, to have many friends and to have loneliness, to work much and write good books and to travel and enjoy myself, to be selfish and to be unselfish. . . . You see, it is difficult to get all which I want.” – Simone de Beauvoir
This letter de Beauvoir wrote to a friend describes me pretty well except that unlike her, I want to make a difference in this world yet to be indulgent. I want to be in the muck of politics without loosing my journalistic ability to set my opinions aside.
I am a firm Christian yet I find truth and beauty in the writings and thoughts of agnostics, atheists and many other great authors (Walt Whitman, for example).
I want to have many friends yet I crave bonds with those who are brave enough to hug and love, those who value loyalty and who share their souls and struggles so that I may be brave enough to be honest about mine. I am boisterous in public yet I rarely let someone into my head.
I fear loosing control yet I crave finding someone brave enough to just go for it in the matters of romance and the heart–factors be damned.
What about you? What things about you are in conflict and could be “greedy” in the way described by de Beauvoir?