Today, March 19, I learned that the board of directors of the Master Chorale of Washington voted to dissolve the choir at the end of our concert season in May.
To say that I am profoundly sorrowful at the news is an understatement equivalent to saying that a person would be slightly upset when he/she learns they must have an arm amputated and their eyes cut out.
I’ve been singing in the choir since 1997 and I’ve been attending the Master Chorale’s concerts since I was three-years-old, back when it was called the Paul Hill Chorale. My mom has been in the choir since 1981.
The Master Chorale, as an institution and the members who populate it, is my music family.
I grew up running around in the backstages of the Kennedy Center and through the tunnels under the Kennedy Center. I grew up listening with rapt awe and later singing Once in Royal David’s City and other Christmas carols during the annual traditional Christmas candlelight concert processional/recessional.
I fight to hold back the tears (although I cannot stop my face from growing heated in sorrow) when I think I shall never again sing Once in Royal David’s City while carrying my folder under one arm and holding a battery operated candle in the other hand marching down the aisle of the concert hall of the Kennedy Center.
I stuck around in the choir (unlike many who left) upon the death of the choir’s founder Paul Hill in the 1990s and I’ve loved singing under our director Don as much as, if not more than, I did singing under Paul. They were different in many ways but both commanded love, devotion and respect.
Music is such a part of who I am that I fear a part of my soul will shrivel up and die if I can no longer sing in a choir (one that is as finely tuned as the Master Chorale).
I’ve had other choir directors before and while they were good,a majority of directors seemed to have the abilities of monkeys flinging feces compared to the eloquence of singing under Don’s direction. No offense to those others who I’ve sung under. There’s something about good directors that brings out absolute devotion from the members of a choir.
But it’s not just about the director.
The institution of the Master Chorale lets me leave the dirge of this life for a few minutes every week and to feel that much closer to God when the sound of the choir envelopes me and my voice congeals with those of 120 others. The music and singing with the choir leaves me feeling better than any drug has dared to compare. Often after a concert I find myself both completely exhausted and elevated.
I could say more. I could speak to the frustration I feel at having only recently learned the desperate situation our choir faces. At the anger I’m trying to hold in when I think that the board of directors didn’t wait another month to make this decision when only last week they told us that to even survive on half a budget for another year we’d have to raise 300,000 in a week.
I could say the frustration I feel that this financial situation has been building up and could have been prevented if it were not for a few people. I could say I wish I’d savored my time in the choir more.
The financial crisis we are in contributed to the downfall of the choir’s finances. Yet it was truly only the powder in the cocked and loaded gun.
I’m on deadline at my office today so I can’t acknowledge how I feel to myself. If I had a choice I’d be at home rocking in my bed, swaddled in my down comforter with a cup of tea and listening to a CD of the choir.
I have been able to keep my tears limited to my bathroom breaks. But my guess is that the reality of this will hit me when on Saturday we meet for one of our last choir pot-luck marathon rehearsals.
It is eerily apropos that we are currently rehearsing my favorite piece of music for what will be our last concert with the National Symphony Orchestra: Brahms Requiem. I usually sing it keeping in mind the memories of the loved ones I hope to see when I arrive in heaven. This time I think I’ll sing it to comfort myself and to believe that although it may be until I’m in heaven, I will ONE DAY again have the joy of singing in a choir as good as the Master Chorale.
TTFN, signed your sad Friend, Esthernow
(update: March 20, Washington Post Article on the choir’s end)
Note: My statements in no way represent the Master Chorale of Washington in whole or any of its members other than myself. They are my personal opinions.
Esther now-and-then-some 
March 20, 2009 at 9:16 am
I’m so sorry. I’ve heard the Paul Hill chorale many times in the past and they were wonderful.
March 20, 2009 at 5:22 pm
[…] the board of directors of the Master Chorale of Washington decided to dissolve the choir (Read my previous entry: Profound Sorrow to learn my initial […]
March 23, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Esther,
I was so sorry to see the news. When I left DC for Albuquerque, my only regret was to be leaving the Chorale and Don’s superb guidance. I’m now singing with the New Mexico Symphony Orchestra Chorus, and was delighted to see that we were doing Elijah at the same time as the Chorale; it made me feel a little closer.
My heartfelt regrets to all.
Lee J (once a bass in the back)
April 15, 2009 at 7:20 am
I read your blog for a long time and must tell you that your articles are always valuable to readers.
June 22, 2009 at 7:01 pm
HAHA Adding this to my bookmarks. Thank You
November 23, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Esther, WOW. I am in total shock. I had wondered why I had not received my notification of the dates for the Candlelight Concerts for this year. In reading your blog just now, I am learning this for the first time. I have attended these concerts with my family for 20 years or so. I remember looking over to the right balcony where a frail Paul Hill sat to listen one year. When my Father became ill, we still attended, he in a wheelchair. He passed away a month before his 90th Birthday. My Mother and I went each year together after that. I LOVED the processional and recessional. So dramatic, and quiet, and peaceful, like a first snowfall. Once In Royal David’s City became my favorite hymn. We would be seated, the lights would go down, and that organ would sound the first notes of Once In Royal David’s City, and I would say to myself.. another year has passed, another Christmas has come. It was so sad to be there without my Father. My sweet Mother had a stroke in 2005, and I retired from my work to be with her. She recovered completly from that stroke. We had 2005, 2006, and 2007 together, until in 2007, August, she had a major stroke. She was in the hospital for a month, and then home for 6 months, completly paralyzed. That year I gave my tickets to two dear friends of mine. I wanted to share with them what we had enjoyed for so many years. The gentleman sang in a choral group at the University of Maryland. He said he had not heard, ever, a better choral group than the Master Chorale.I went back in 2008 with a friend. As the lights lowered, and the organ sounded with those first notes of the processional, the tears just streamed down my face. Each year I would discover a new piece of music that I fell in love with.In the following weeks I would be on a quest to try to find that certain piece on a cd. FUM FUM FUM, MARCH OF THE KINGS,,, right now I would have to go the the basement to review my Christmas CDs to remember those pieces that impressed me so. I can not think. I am in shock. I purchased many of the Chorales’ cds upon leaving the concert. I would go in the gift shop and purchase an ornament to commemorate the occasion. Much of what I just read from you resonates with me. It feels as though I have lost another family member almost. Those candlelight concerts were so much a part of our Christmas. There IS NOT a choral group like the Master Chorale. No others could compare. I would see some of you in the hallways upon leaving the Concert Hall, and I always said Good Job, Great Concert. It really is sad to say the least. I would have never thought this would have happened. I am at a loss for words. Thank you for all those years. We were within the same four walls for so many years. What a memory; one I will never forget. I will have to see if some other Christmas Concert at the Kennedy Center would be interesting. It just will never be the same. I feel fortunate to hear this bad news from one of the members. Thank you for all those years. I hope to share some more thoughts with you in the coming weeks. I want to get all my cds and play them early this year. I am going to look for recordings that I do not have. I am so sorry. I know that was a disapointment to all who were members I am sure. I am glad I had you to talk this over with. I used to tell everyone how wonderful those concerts were. So very sad. Take Care, Mary Anderson Lane
November 24, 2009 at 11:04 am
Mary,
Thank you for your wonderful heartfelt comments. I still miss the choir. But I have good news. A new choir has formed from the ashes of the old one with most of the same singers that were in the former choir. We will start our concert season in 2010 and I hope you will be able to attend our first concert. Although it will not be in the Kennedy Center nor will it be the Candlelight concert, it would be wonderful to have you share in our joy at having created a new organization. I will email you with more details shortly. Sincerely, Esther
November 23, 2009 at 10:14 pm
I hope that the words I just sent to you actually reached you. I am not sure. I really want to comment, and did at length, but am not sure that it went to you. Mary Anderson Lane
November 23, 2009 at 10:17 pm
Esther, I can not believe that I spent at least 40 minutes in reply but do not see that you received it. I will get back to you.
November 23, 2009 at 10:19 pm
Never mind — there it is. How could I have missed it. I guess it took a while to load. Talk with you again soon. MAL
November 25, 2009 at 9:19 am
Good Morning Esther, That IS good news. I will eagerly await your email as to this new formed group and their concerts. This group will rise up like a phoenix. I knnow it will not ever be the same, but the thought is exciting. I don’t believe in all the many words I shared with you, that I used the word Tradition. That is what the Paul Hill Chorale, and the Master Chorale was for my family. Thank you so much for your response. Incidentally, I am a member of the Southern Maryland Concert Band, and music is very much a part of my life. I hope that you have a blessed Thanksgiving. Regards, Mary Anderson Lane
February 24, 2010 at 12:41 pm
[…] due to the loss of my former choir family and have joined a new choir. Click on the category Master Chorale of Washington to read background stories about the former choir’s […]
July 8, 2010 at 11:03 am
I was blessed to sing with Paul from 1981-84 while I was a student at Georgetown. Not only did we receive his great leadership there, he recognized my potential and asked me to audition for the Chorale for the 83-84 season. I was also a Washington Singer for one special performance of HMS Pinafore.
Oh, yes, how I will always remember the candelight and Once In Royal David’s City. But what I will remember the most,was the finale of those concerts, Silent Night, surrounding the concert hall seats, as we gently left the auditorium.
There was nothing like that in the whole world of music. There never will be again.
I came back to sing two different Verdi Requiems with Paul in the 90’s. He was a friend who I will never, ever forget. More influential and supportive than any professor I ever had (and I am not a music major). I was asked to speak at his funeral, one of the hardest things I have ever done; and it was then I realized how much I had meant to him as well.
Christmas, to me, will always be those days in D.C. and Paul leading “his children on”.
Blessings to you for your post.